The Vault

Louie wants to buy a $17,000,000 house

• Accountant: Louie, how much?
• Louie: Okay..it's..seven..17..17 million..17 million dollars. So-I know it's a lot.
• Accountant: Louie, do I really need to say anything, I mean-?
• Louie: Well I had a good year, you know? When do I get to step up, ya know? I just feel like, come on man-
• Accountant: Do I..do I really need to explain to you..why you can't buy a 17 million dollar house?
• Louie: Just thought if maybe I really bear down..i don't spend a lot of money on other stuff-I can change-i think i can change-
• Accountant: Okay, alright look...okay, let's take a look at the numbers
• Louie: Okay-totally, yes-yes
• Accountant: Fine, okay so that's 17 million, uhh...so you have to put down 3.4 million. You have to put that down now-in cash. AND then your monthly payments are gonna be $77,000..plus uh maintenance and tax--so basically $80,000 dollars a month. Plus the 3.4 million that you gotta plunk down right now, okay?
• Louie: Mmmhmm
• Accountant: Okay, so now let's compare that to your current assets. Alright, currently in savings you have um- $7,000 dollars.
• Louie: $7,000?
• Accountant: Yup. So um, you have less than 10 times less than one mortgage payment on this house.
• Louie: Well..let me, okay-
• Accountant: Louie..you're gonna have to-
• Louie: If..If..If I can..Cause we haven't even..I mean if I was able to have them come down-
• Accountant: Pfft-
• Louie: I'm just saying what could I afford right now? Like what could I buy a house for right now?
• Accountant: Buy a house? Right now? Well...I mean..right now you could buy a house that costs $7,000 dollars.
• Louie: (heatbroken)
• Accountant: You know..you should find a nice rental.
• Louie: I mean isn't there...What about..what about Obama?
• Accountant: What..what about him? I mean-what do you mean?